wala lang

ansakit...

can i cry?

mirror, mirror on the wall

ang sabi ng salamin:

"ang laki ng eyebags mo, che! sana matulog ka na."

hehehe!

yep, i just noticed how big my eyebags are. need to sleep more. 3 hours per day is not enough. ;p

will sleep na. have to go to work early tom. training is really tough.

tomorrow is our first exam.

have to do really good.

please help me pray.

gotta go!

mwah!

sorry

one day

everything will make perfect sense

thanks!

for taking time to ask how am i doing
for being interested in what's keeping me busy
for wanting to see how am i living my life now
for the support
for the pang-aasar

for simply remembering

for making me happy

can't say anything more but thanks!

3 words

11:24pm

after my relaxation and deep thinking 'moment'
habang nagbababad sa pool at tumatambay sa sauna
dami ko naisip, narealize
kaya eto po

i've got 3 words to say

"i miss you"

pagod
yun lang

missing home...

to those planning to visit me here in SG

hehehe!

have made several friends commit to visit me here
or should i say i forced them to commit?

will let them stay here at our place in avila gardens
instead of renting a hotel room =)
for tipid and bonding purposes
hehe!

eto lang requests ko:

1. teriyaki boy sukiyaki beef teriyaki and california maki
2. yellowcab's chicken pasta
3. menthos
4. goldilock's pulburon, assorted
5. yakisoba spicy chicken
6. jack and jill potato chips, yung barbecue (iba lasa nung andito)
7. dairy milk chocettes (iba din lasa ng dairy milk dito, wala pa ko nakita chocettes)
8. winston lights, marlboro menthol (for everybody here, pag di sa budget airport dadaan pwede kahit gano karami yosi dala =p)
9. ginisa mix, sinigang mix
10. goldilocks egg pie
11. nestea icetea lemon
12. oishi sun icetea, apple or strawberry
13. cream o, yung chocolate
14. sugo or happy peanuts
15. biogesic, neozep, decolgen at buscopan

puro food noh? ayoko kasi food dito eh.
hehe!

friends, you don't have to bring everything on the list, hehe!

basta yan ang gusto kong pasalubong.

don't worry we'll make your SG experience worthwhile, ahehe!

mahal ko kayo!

mwah!

bratinella?

been here for 6 days

the bratinella in me is making my housemates crazy
been craving for teriyaki boy sukiyaki beef teriyaki since this morning
there isn't any teriyaki boy here in SG
they have yoshinoya, pizzahut, mcdo, kfc, burger king
but i want teriyaki boy
i don't they they have teriyaki boy in malaysia either, hehe!

annie's going home on the 31st
and i asked her to bring sukiyaki beef and california maki from teriyaki boy when she gets back on september 5th for me
christine is requesting for gonuts donut, maan wants yosi

missing home

been here in SG since monday

i miss home
i miss my family
i miss my friends

1st weekend in SG

7:55pm, Saturday

my first weekend here in SG
i am sick
have colds and headache

just had dinner of buttered sayote with chicken
and maan's breaded crabsticks
and yes, i ate sayote
hehe! thanks to russell for my first veggie experience
i used to hate veggies except for lumpia and upo
and now i am adding sayote to my list of preferred veggies
and my housemates said that they'll make me eat more veggies
we'll see...

maan is temporarily staying with us with russell and paul
her jokes make us forget homesickness =)

they're gonna go swimming downstairs later
hay!
i really wanna join them but they won't allow me to
afraid that my colds will get worse

our training starts on monday
they said dbs training is really tough
hopefully we can make it to the floor

i gained weight
and i hate it
starting monday i'll start my diet
or self-starvation?
hehe!

my family sent me yema ensaymada and other goods through maan's cousin
i am craving for nestea icetea
good thing we brought several sachets from manila

will rest again tonight
hopefully i can sleep early
still having difficulty sleeping at night

we will be working during the day
so i have to get used to sleeping at night

they said it's still raining back in manila

we have the same timezone here and in manila

i can't see the sun anymore
the sun set 15 minutes ago

i admit

opo, baliw ako

at sabog!

sabog!

i woke up at 3pm
had lunch of buttered shrimp and soup courtesy of annie and christine
my head is still aching becaus of too much sleep
hehe!
we don't need to go to dbs or anywhere until friday
so we'll just bum around
my batchmates are still here
they'll probably get a place of their own tomorrow
hello, homesickness!
haha!
just noticed that my posts last night are so sabog!
was so tired last night but we didn't sleep until 4am
annie and i had a lot of catching up to do
we're not yet done
just finished posting photos to my multiply account
will take more photos later
=)

have to go!
need to make myself presentable
we have inuman later
jp might drop by

9pm, 13b avila gardens

just had a dinner of chicken adobo and rice with my new housemates and my dbs batchmates
maan and christine (my roommate) are smoking at the terrace
i'm enjoying free wireless internet courtesy of maan the illegal hacker, hehe!

will transfer our pix later (if i'm not sleepy yet)

really need to sleep
been awake since 6am today
we had to report to dbs for our medical exam this morning
had my second mrt ride today
i think i'm gonna get used to this at the least possible time, hehe!

i'm craving for chocolates and potato chips
hay!
and iced venti white mocha!

over 24 hours of different life

boarded PR503 at 7:15am yesterday

having been awake for almost 48 hours to enjoy my last few hours in manila i fell asleep once i made myself comfortable in seat 69a

woke up for a few minutes to enjoy my breakfast of chicken sausage, scrambled egg and a piece of bread

after 2 glasses of water, i slept again



my mind was still cloudy after sleeping for the whole duration of our flight

but as our plane approached changi runway, i cannot help but wonder what lies ahead for us

what lies ahead for me in this foreign place



during my send off party last sunday night

my dad still can't believe that his little girl is leaving home (little girl? haha!)

he's worried how their unica hija, who does not even know how to cross the street and who has a very bad sense of direction, could live alone



fine, i admit, i'm scared, worried, anxious but excited for this

i still can't believe that i made this decision

still can't believe that i'm miles away from home

last few minutes

it's 30 minutes past 8am
i've been awake for over 24 hours
my eyes are hurting from staring at my monitor almost all night
my head is aching
my heart?
hay!

just have to finish my exit interview essay...

last day?

i'm at the office

had my exit interview few hours ago

and according to jean, it's the longest session she had so far

hahaha!

like what i've told my mom when we talked about my Chase life yesterday

i can confidently say that i had the best times with Chase

i was with the best people

well, except for one or two or three?

haha!

i spent more than a month deciding whether to push through with my resignation or not

i love my job

not everyone will get this amount of money every 12th or 27th (or sometimes earlier) of the month and just spend the day doing nothing
well, not everyday
but i can get away doing nothing at all in a day if i don't feel like doing anything at all
hehe!
bad!

i love the people

well, there are some who exudes negative energy that no talisman can oppose
i've been with them
they did almost everything to make me fall
well, being the bitch that i am, i'm still standing proud
laughing at their pathetic effort to bring me down

i'm most thankful to the people who made my stay with Chase worth remembering
to rei for being my first and most favorite trainer,
mimi, beth, june, flo and louie for making me realize what i can do during my first days in production,
ms peaches, my first sup
my sykes wave 39 teammates for doubting my performance
to wax, for believing in me, for the encouragement and for the challenges,
to my batchmates who stood by me when i was promoted,
ryan, luci, and rj, for being my mentors
wilma, wilson, pip and adei for being my first sykes friends =)
judith, for being my mentor in training (sorry my heart was not at it)
wave 15, for being my friends, yosi buddies, tambay buddies, for everything
to marj and tariq for the realization of my goals
my first team, the one i took over after gus moved to research, for the lessons i've learned and for helping me with my transition from SME to sup
to my wave 17 team for the criticisms, conflicts, fun, mind-boggling questions and concerns, and for making me somewhat perfect my team-handling skills
to luisa's pod for all the fun and hardwork
to luisa for allowing me to work on my own and for respecting my decisions,
to myla, pongs, simels, denmark, dennis and mel, chelou, annie and randy for being my brothers and sisters (boracay will always be close to my heart because of you)
to kimmy for the advices
to iyc, janet, tj, alex, charm for being competent CAPs
to yoj, benneth, alden, scav, jinna, chir, mau, divine, karen, pier and ivy for accepting me in their team, for the laughs, support, ka-weirduhan, kulit, for just being there (though i hate them for making me think more than ten times about leaving - ang hirap nyo iwan, guys)
to dennis, yoj, maan, bry, alden (and mina) for a very memorable tagaytay trip on my birthday

well, four days to go and i'll be in singapore

will i survive?
yes, i'm a tough person
i've escaped a lot of big, bad wolves
i've countered numerous bad spells
will i survive the feeling of missing my life here?
missing the people here?

well, it'll take time for me to have yosi alone, with johannie or whoever i'm gonna be with
without thinking of my yosi buddies here
it would take time for me to get used to wednesday nights without eastwood tambay sessions
it would take time for me to get used to saturday mornings without salcedo market breakfast or starbucks pearl bank kwentuhan
i would take time for me to get used to not receiving texts from people on my globe kababayan or singtel number (especially texts advising that they cannot go to work or that they will be late for work ;p)

i think this will be the last day that i will be sitting here, using Chase pc for whatever i wanna do
i'm not sure when will i be able to join you for yosi at the 9th floor, front or back of philam
or join you for lunch at jollibee

guys, i'll miss you...

4 days

after so much thought, yes, i'm leaving

new hair? di obvious. hehe!

i refuse to

I refuse to wait for you any longer. There was a time in my life when I would have saved myself for you alone. In my heart no one else would do. I belonged to no one else but you. That isn't me anymore. My heart finally caught up with my brain and I finally saw that all of it was just nothing but fantasies. Dreams that only I wanted. There was no hope left for us. As each day passed, it became clearer and clearer to me that it was never meant to be. We were never meant to be.

I refuse to live in the past. What we shared lives in the past, it doesn't control me any longer. Don't get me wrong, I will forever treasure it but I won't let it hold me back. I won't let it ruin who I was and who I am now. For a time, I almost forgot who I was without you. I'll never let that happen again. I won't ever lose myself again.

I refuse to fight anymore. For several months now, I've been fighting for our friendship and for us. However, no matter what I do, I seem to be losing. Whenever I feel as if I'm going to buckle down because of the pressure, the thought that somehow maybe you are fighting for us too kept me going but months have passed, I haven't heard from you. Somehow I finally realized that I was the only one fighting for us. I was doing everything I could possibly can for someone who was and never will be mine.

I refuse to believe that you didn't love me. Somehow, someway, I know that I have a place in your heart. You may not have been able to love me the way I wanted you to love me but I know that even for just a second, you really did love me.

I refuse to lose hope. It may not be you. It may take me forever to find him, but I will. Tears have been streaming down my cheeks for too long but not anymore. I have learned so many things from all of this. Things that I felt should have been taught to me some other less painful way but somehow I didn't regret it. It made me stronger. It made me look inside myself and really see who I really am and not who I thought I was. Hope kept me going. The hope for better things to come, the same hope that one day I will finally be over you.

A letter to the one God has prepared for me

I am wondering at this very minute if you are thinking of me, if like me, you are wondering what is taking us so long to find each other, many times I thought I finally found you only to be disillusioned by the fact that my wait has not yet ended.

I get up each morning, hoping, dreaming, and longing to meet you. I am thinking of how we will meet, would it be as romantic as the ones I have seen in movies? Or is it possible that I have known you all my life but we have yet to realize that we are meant for each other? Oh how I wish you are here right now because you are the only one who has the answers to all my questions.

Sometimes I ask myself if i’ve really known “love”. I do not have the answer to that question either but I believe, more often than not, we will never really know what love is until we find that right person… and since I haven’t found you yet, then maybe I do not really know what love is! You just don’t know how dream of finally knowing what it feels to be in your arms. Even at this very moment I am imagining how you will simply sweep me off my feet! Perhaps I would be drawn to you by your smile, or your eyes, or maybe even how you manage to make me laugh by your silly little ways! I don’t really know for sure but I am praying that God will help me recognize you when the right time comes.

I think of all the pain that i’ve gone through in the past and of how much I cried since the day I began my search. I just want you to know that I find my strength in clinging onto my vision of the beautiful life ahead of me - the life I shall spend with you. In my mind and in my heart I know that you are worth all the pain and sacrifice. After all, the tears had become a part of my life and I believe that they are slowly washing away my flaws so that I would become perfect, not perfect in its truest sense, but perfect — for you!

I wonder if you’ve gone through so much pain as well, I wonder if you’ve been hurt so many times along the journey. But my dearest one, please don’t ever give up because I am right here, patiently waiting for you. I assure you when we finally find each other I would slowly heal those wounds with my love, at night, I would look out my window and stare at the beautiful sky, hoping that somehow you are also looking up and wondering about me. I utter a silent prayer and send all my cries to heaven s above thinking that in time they would reach you. When I feel impatient, I just close my eyes and believe that you are on your way and you are longing to see me as well. It is funny when I finally fall asleep; it is still you that I think of, for you are always in my dreams. It seems that for now, it is the only place where I can hold on to you, long enough to tell you how much I love you. In my dreams you would kiss away my fears and wrap me with your arms of love, and this, all the more, makes me want t wake up and face the new day ahead of me with the hope that soon enough, you will no longer be a dream but a reality and once again I am assured that you are worth the wait. And when that time comes, everything will fall into its place, just as I had imagined, just as I had thought and dreamed, just as I had believed it would be! By then I would simply look back at all that i’ve been through, in spite of all the pain and amidst the simple joys of life-I would be very thankful because they all led me to you. In the meantime, take care of yourself for me. Hold on to your dream and don’t even think of letting go. Believe in your heart that we will find each other no matter what happens. God has planned the course and it is up to us to follow the directions. Don’t worry, don’t be afraid about getting lost, God saw to it that all the roads, no matter which one you chose to follow, leads to Jesus.

-anonymous-

I'm ready this time
I know that I'm no longer undecided
Don't wanna be
A fool wondering what might have been

been here in Makati since 9am
tambay with jacq at starbucks
meet friends and had lunch at greenbelt
had dinner at dencio's with E.
i should not be here at the office
i'm on leave
but i can't help it
i wanna see my Chase family ;p
i know i have to go home now
im tired and i wanna rest
just a few minutes more...

paalam...

turning points...

there are the moments
when the world
holds its breath for you,
moments of decision
that change your life forever
as you move on from here,
things will be different around you
but the inner you,
where the courage is,
where the love is,
where the dreams are,
will never change.

i'm leaving
hay!